Your 10-year-old daughter blurts out in the car, "Mom/Dad, what's a blowjob?" You're doing 70 mph. You...

Why this situation matters

The possible answers

Tap the option you would choose

• A

  "Who told you that?" (interrogation mode)

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Interrogating the child ('Who told you that?') puts them on the defensive and can make them feel that asking questions is a bad thing. This can shut them down in future conversations about sensitive topics, leading them to seek information elsewhere, from less reliable sources.
• B

  You take a breath and calmly answer her at her level

  Ideal answer. Why this is the ideal answer: Responding calmly and at their level validates a child's natural curiosity and fosters open communication channels about complex topics. It establishes parents as a safe and reliable source of information.
• C

  “That’s for grown-ups, we’ll talk about it later.”

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Postponing the conversation ('That's for grown-ups, we'll talk about it later') sends the message that the topic is taboo or inappropriate. The child will seek information elsewhere (friends, internet), often getting incomplete or incorrect data, instead of turning to you.
• D

  You almost swerve off the road and change the subject

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Abruptly changing the subject or showing an extreme reaction of shock ('You almost swerve off the road') makes the child nervous and embarrassed. They learn that certain topics make their parents uncomfortable, turning those into subjects that can't be discussed at home.

What the experts say

• Eva María Ballester

  affective-sexual education expert

  “The key is to respond honestly, age-appropriately, and without prejudice. Children ask questions because they have a doubt, not to provoke.”

• Alfie Kohn

  author and parenting expert

  “Fostering children's curiosity and intellectual autonomy means answering their questions without judgment, no matter how uncomfortable they may seem.”

• Daniel Siegel

  neuropsychiatrist and author

  “Maintaining open and validating communication, even about difficult topics, helps build more integrated brains and strengthens attachment.”

Devil's advocate