Your 14-year-old daughter has been obsessed with her weight for weeks. She wants to "go on a diet." She's at a healthy weight. You...

Why this situation matters

The possible answers

Tap the option you would choose

• A

  “You’re perfect as you are, don’t be silly.”

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Minimizing her feelings with a 'you're perfect' comment, however well-intentioned, invalidates her experience and can make her feel misunderstood. This might make her less likely to share her real concerns in the future, as Carl Rogers highlights regarding the importance of congruence and unconditional acceptance. It could lead her to seek understanding elsewhere or to hide her anxieties. Furthermore, societal pressure regarding body image is very real for teenagers, and dismissing it as 'silly' ignores her social context.
• B

  You ask what’s bothering her and book an appointment with her GP.

  Ideal answer. Why this is the ideal answer: Prioritizing open communication and professional intervention are crucial steps when addressing body image concerns in teenagers. This approach allows you to explore the roots of her worries and obtain an expert medical evaluation, ensuring an informed and safe strategy.
• C

  You help her diet to make her happy.

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Agreeing to a diet without evaluating the underlying reason and medical necessity is dangerous for a teenager at a healthy weight. As eating disorder specialists like Dr. Walter Kaye warn, it can normalize risky behaviors and, unintentionally, fuel a preoccupation that could escalate into an eating disorder. Intervention without professional guidance can have serious consequences for her physical and mental health.
• D

  You remove the bathroom scales without telling her.

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Secretly removing the scales is a controlling measure that erodes trust and mutual respect. It violates your daughter’s autonomy and teaches her that problems are solved through deception or subterfuge, rather than through open communication and joint resolution. This action can generate resentment, anxiety, and a feeling of lack of control which, paradoxically, might intensify her obsession with weight, as Faber and Mazlish point out regarding active listening and conflict resolution.

What the experts say

• Dra. Dianne Neumark-Sztainer

  body image expert, University of Minnesota

  “Body satisfaction is a cornerstone of adolescent health, and early intervention is key when signs of dissatisfaction or excessive concern appear.”

• Dr. Daniel Siegel

  neuroeducator and psychiatrist, UCLA

  “Tuning in to adolescents' emotions and empathetic communication strengthen their resilience and self-awareness.”

• Dra. Eva S. Musby

  family communication expert

  “Validating your child's feelings, even if you don't agree with their conclusions, opens the door to dialogue and trust.”

Devil's advocate

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