Your 9-year-old brings home bad grades and says, 'The teacher has it in for me.'

Why this situation matters

The possible answers

Tap the option you would choose

• A

  'Tell me what's going on with the teacher. Then, let's look together at what you need to improve in your studies.'

  Ideal answer. Why this is the ideal answer: You listen to their version without dismissing it and separate the two issues: their relationship with the teacher + the study plan. You teach them to separate emotion from task.
• B

  'Excuses. You're studying two more hours a day, and that's final.'

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: More hours don't necessarily mean more learning: studies show an inverted U-curve. And dismissing their complaint teaches them that their voice doesn't matter.
• C

  I call the school to complain about the teacher.

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Jumping to their defense at school without listening to them first takes away their agency and teaches them that others will solve their problems.
• D

  'They're your grades, your problem.'

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: 9-year-olds don't yet have the executive tools. 'Your problem' is abandoning them in a task that exceeds their developmental age.

What the experts say

• Eva Pomerantz

  U. Illinois, homework and parental involvement

• Catalina Hoffmann

  Neuropediatrician, executive development

Devil's advocate

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