You've been thinking about breaking up for months. You haven't said a word yet. You...

Why this situation matters

The possible answers

Tap the option you would choose

• A

  Seek help (individual/couples therapy) before deciding

  Ideal answer. Why this is the ideal answer: When someone considers a breakup, seeking professional help, either individually or as a couple, allows for exploring the deep-seated causes of unhappiness and facilitates informed decision-making. This honors the relationship and both parties, regardless of the final outcome. It helps identify destructive patterns and develop skills for healthier communication.
• B

  Start being cold/distant, hoping the relationship will end on its own

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Being cold or distant to force a breakup creates a 'distance and isolation cascade' where emotional connection deteriorates without clear communication, leaving the partner confused and hurt. This prevents a respectful and mature closure, leaving wounds that are difficult to heal and perpetuating avoidance patterns.
• C

  Drop the bombshell in the middle of an argument

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Dropping the idea of a breakup in the middle of an argument adds a layer of aggression and invalidation, which inflames the conflict instead of resolving it. This way of communicating momentous decisions irreversibly damages trust and the possibility of a respectful closure, in addition to using the relationship as a weapon.
• D

  Tough it out for another year, hoping things will improve

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Toughing it out for an additional year, passively waiting for change without action, only intensifies resentment and disillusionment, creating an emotional pressure cooker. Inaction in situations of prolonged discontent rarely improves the relationship and, in fact, strengthens conflict avoidance patterns, leading to further distancing.

What the experts say

• Sue Johnson

  Creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

  “Conflict is not the problem; it's the emotional deprivation hidden beneath it.”

• John Gottman

  Research Psychologist, The Gottman Institute

  “When a 'distance and isolation cascade' exists, a relationship is in serious jeopardy.”

Devil's advocate

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