Every night on the sofa, you both spend your time on your phones without talking. You...
This is just 1 of 100+ questions in the Couple Test
See how you two work together, based on Gottman's research. Free, 3 minutes.
Take the Couple Test →Why this situation matters
Spending evenings together, yet engrossed in separate screens, is a common scenario for many couples. It might seem harmless at first, a way to unwind after a long day, but over time, this digital distance can quietly erode the emotional intimacy that holds you together. Without conscious effort to connect, these moments of physical proximity can become periods of emotional absence.
Our brains are wired for connection. When those opportunities for direct interaction, shared laughter, or simple conversation are consistently replaced by the glow of a smartphone, it can lead to a sense of disconnection and even loneliness within the relationship. It's not about banning technology, but rather understanding its impact and ensuring it doesn't overshadow the vital one-on-one time that nurtures your bond.
Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards a more engaged and fulfilling partnership. Exploring how you typically respond in such situations can offer valuable insights into your relationship dynamics and how well you prioritize genuine connection. To understand more about your communication style and how you handle digital distractions, let's delve deeper into your choices.
The possible answers
Tap the option you would choose
What the experts say
Sue Johnson
creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy
“The key in love is secure emotional connection, and this requires availability, responsiveness, and mutual engagement.”
John Gottman
couples research psychologist
“Criticism is one of the worst predictors of divorce. Instead, use a 'softened startup' to express your concerns.”
James A. Roberts & Meredith E. David
researchers on 'phubbing'
“'Phubbing' (ignoring one's partner for the phone) significantly reduces relationship satisfaction and feelings of connection.”
Devil's advocate
Common objection
But sometimes people just want to unwind at night, and forcing a conversation feels like work, not relaxation.
Why it falls short
It's true that you both need your space to disconnect. However, finding a small window for intentional connection isn't 'work' but 'investment'. As Esther Perel insists, the quality of mutual attention is key to maintaining the spark and sense of 'us'.
This is just 1 of 100+ questions in the Couple Test
See how you two work together, based on Gottman's research. Free, 3 minutes.
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