Your elderly parents are beginning to need care, and your partner feels like the burden is falling entirely on you. You...

Why this situation matters

The possible answers

Tap the option you would choose

• A

  Create a plan with your siblings and set clear limits on what you'll take on.

  Ideal answer. Why this is the ideal answer: Creating a clear plan and speaking with siblings distributes the caregiving load equitably, preventing the burden of your parents' care from resting solely on your partner. This alleviates tension and prevents resentment, strengthening the quality of the relationship, as Esther Perel emphasizes regarding conflict management.
• B

  "It's my family, stay out of it."

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Saying 'It's my family, stay out of it' closes the door to communication and empathy, generating resentment and emotional distance in the couple. This type of statement undermines attachment security, making your partner feel excluded and unsupported, a clear sign of what John Gottman classifies as the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' in relationships.
• C

  Assume everything in silence and grow resentful.

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Assuming everything in silence and internalizing resentment fosters a cycle of avoidance and frustration, where unexpressed needs corrode the bond. This path often leads to an accumulation of resentment that, according to Stan Tatkin, is very difficult to dismantle without open communication.
• D

  Pass the buck to your partner and disappear.

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Shifting responsibility to your partner and disappearing creates an imbalance and a sense of abandonment in the relationship, damaging trust and the sense of teamwork. This behavior is destructive, as one of the principles of secure attachment is knowing you can count on your partner in times of stress, something Bowlby considered fundamental.

What the experts say

• Esther Perel

  Psychotherapist and author

  “The quality of a relationship is not determined by the absence of conflict, but by the presence of good repair.”

• Sue Johnson

  Psychologist, creator of EFT

  “The insecure attachment model manifests when one of the two feels alone or helpless.”

• John Gottman

  Psychologist, relationship researcher

  “Happy marriages are not the absence of problems, but the presence of trust and commitment to solving them.”

Devil's advocate

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