You've been on dating apps for months, and everything feels empty. You...

Why this situation matters

The possible answers

Tap the option you would choose

• A

  Take a conscious break and work on what you're truly looking for

  Ideal answer. Why this is the ideal answer: Taking a conscious break allows for reflection on patterns, expectations, and what you genuinely seek in a connection, rather than being swept away by the frustration of instant gratification. This self-analysis forms the foundation for a more effective and healthier approach to finding a partner. As John Gottman points out, self-awareness is fundamental for building successful relationships.
• B

  Keep swiping compulsively even though it makes you feel worse

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Continuing a compulsive behavior despite feeling unwell creates a spiral of frustration and hopelessness, reinforcing the narrative that dating apps are ineffective. This pattern of emotional avoidance and rumination does not lead to meaningful connections or resolve the underlying problem of emptiness. In the medium term, it fosters an unhealthy relationship with one's own search for a partner.
• C

  Convince yourself that 'there aren't any decent people left'

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Adopting a cynical stance and generalizing that 'there are no decent people left' is a form of global criticism directed at the outside world that actively sabotages any attempt at connection. This negative mindset closes the door to new opportunities and can become self-confirming, as one tends to find what they expect to find. A self-fulfilling prophecy is a clear risk here, as Esther Perel eloquently explains.
• D

  Delete all apps in a fit of rage and come back two weeks later

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Deleting apps in a fit of rage and returning a few weeks later is a cycle of avoidance and repetition that doesn't address the root of the discomfort. This impulsivity, followed by the resumption of the same pattern, doesn't allow for meaningful reflection or a change in strategy, perpetuating frustration and a sense of emptiness. It's a headless rush forward.

What the experts say

• John Gottman

  Relationships Researcher

  “Self-awareness is the first step to changing destructive relationship patterns.”

• Esther Perel

  Psychotherapist and Author

  “The quality of our relationships rarely exceeds the quality of our imagination and our courage.”

• Sue Johnson

  Creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy

  “Connecting with oneself is the first step to deeply connecting with another.”

Devil's advocate

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