Your partner remains very close friends with their ex, and it makes you uncomfortable. You…
This is just 1 of 100+ questions in the Couple Test
See how you two work together, based on Gottman's research. Free, 3 minutes.
Take the Couple Test →Why this situation matters
Feeling uncomfortable about your partner's close friendship with an ex is a common and understandable experience. It often stems from a natural desire for exclusivity and a sense of security within your current relationship. While trust is fundamental, unresolved feelings or perceived threats can emerge when past relationships remain prominent.
This discomfort isn't necessarily a sign of distrust in your partner, but rather an indicator of an emotional boundary that feels a bit wobbly. Open communication is key to navigating such delicate situations. Understanding why this friendship bothers you, and articulating those feelings constructively, can prevent small anxieties from escalating into significant relationship issues.
Ignoring these feelings, or letting them fester, can lead to resentment, suspicion, and a general erosion of intimacy. Addressing them thoughtfully, on the other hand, can strengthen your bond by building trust and demonstrating mutual respect for each other’s emotional well-being. How you currently approach this situation reveals a lot about your communication style and problem-solving skills as a couple.
The possible answers
Tap the option you would choose
What the experts say
Dr. John Gottman
Relationship Researcher, The Gottman Institute
“Clear and direct communication about needs is crucial; indirect complaints or veiled criticisms are destructive.”
Sue Johnson
Creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
“Expressing vulnerability and real needs, not controlling strategies, is what creates secure attachment.”
Esther Perel
Psychotherapist, Relationship Expert
“Jealousy is a complex emotion, but the productive response is open communication and boundary negotiation, not control or evasion.”
Devil's advocate
Common objection
But communicating my discomfort makes me vulnerable, and I might not get what I want. It’s better to show firmness from the start.
Why it falls short
Showing vulnerability and communicating your emotional impact is not a weakness, but a strength that invites empathy and collaboration from your partner. Firmness without mutual understanding generates defensiveness and pushes people apart, rather than bringing them together.
This is just 1 of 100+ questions in the Couple Test
See how you two work together, based on Gottman's research. Free, 3 minutes.
Take the Couple Test →Related questions
Your partner confesses they had a 'slip-up' months ago and ended it. You…
Procesar, no reaccionar
Your partner feels insecure about one of your co-workers. You know there's nothing going on. You...
Validar, comunicar, reafirmar
You notice your partner has been liking an ex's photos. You...
Diálogo claro, confianza
Someone hits on you at a dinner party and your partner finds out and laughs it off, but it actually left you wondering. You...
Comunicación honesta y límites
Your partner suddenly asks to see your phone without a clear reason. You...
Curiosidad ante el miedo
Part of the Fami ecosystem
Sites made by families, for families. Start with the two most loved:
The task manager that coordinates your whole family — without the stress.
Visit →famiEduca.comA platform where children learn on their own, the fun way.
Visit →Worldwide guide of destinations and points of interest for family travel.
Restaurants where great food is also for the kids.
Challenges and games to rediscover the joy of playing together.
Easy recipes to cook with the little ones.
Films handpicked to watch as a family.
Reads for small big readers.