Your partner feels insecure about one of your co-workers. You know there's nothing going on. You...
This is just 1 of 100+ questions in the Couple Test
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Take the Couple Test →Why this situation matters
Feeling insecure about a partner’s interactions with others is a common, albeit uncomfortable, experience in relationships. While you might know there’s nothing to worry about, your partner’s feelings are real for them and can stem from past experiences, personal anxieties, or even just a momentary lapse in confidence.
Dismissing these feelings, or reacting defensively, often escalates the situation. It can make your partner feel unheard, misunderstood, and even more isolated in their insecurity. Healthy relationships thrive on trust and open communication, where both individuals feel safe to express vulnerabilities without judgment.
Navigating such moments requires empathy and a nuanced approach. How you choose to respond can either alleviate fears and strengthen your bond, or inadvertently create distance and erode trust over time. Understanding the impact of your reactions is key to fostering a secure and loving partnership. Let’s explore how your choices affect your relationship dynamic.
The possible answers
Tap the option you would choose
What the experts say
Sue Johnson
creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
“The key to secure attachment is the accessibility and responsiveness of the other. Validating a partner's emotions is crucial.”
John Gottman
relationship researcher
“Ignoring or dismissing your partner's concerns, even when you believe there's no reason for them, is one of the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse': contempt.”
Devil's advocate
Common objection
But if I indulge their irrational insecurity, aren't I feeding it? It seems like if I 'blame' myself, they'll do it more.
Why it falls short
It's one thing to validate your partner's EMOTION (their fear is real to them), and quite another to validate the REASON for that emotion. Validating isn't giving in or admitting fault; it's empathizing with their internal experience, which paradoxically can help them regulate themselves and see the situation more clearly.
This is just 1 of 100+ questions in the Couple Test
See how you two work together, based on Gottman's research. Free, 3 minutes.
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