Your 2-year-old child hits you in the face playfully. You...

Why this situation matters

The possible answers

Tap the option you would choose

• A

  Give them a tap "so they know how much it hurts"

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Giving a 'tap' retaliates aggression with aggression, teaching that violence is an acceptable way to handle frustration or pain. Besides being counterproductive, studies like those from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) advise against physical punishment due to its negative long-term effects on child development.
• B

  Hold their hand, say "No hitting, that hurts," and redirect

  Ideal answer. Why this is the ideal answer: Holding the child's hand and clearly and concisely verbalizing the boundary 'No hitting, that hurts' establishes a necessary physical and emotional limit. The subsequent redirection helps the child understand alternatives and fosters their social development in a safe and consistent manner. This is what Daniel Siegel refers to as 'naming to tame' emotions.
• C

  Laugh, they're just little

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Laughing at aggression, even during play, confuses the child about appropriate boundaries and the seriousness of their actions. They might interpret hitting as acceptable or even fun, which hinders the internalization of basic social norms. This isn't a minor issue; it's a confusion about the rule.
• D

  Move away without saying anything

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Moving away without saying anything deprives the child of the opportunity to understand why their action was inappropriate. It leaves an important information gap for their behavioral development, preventing them from learning about the consequences of their actions and how physical contact can affect others.

What the experts say

• Daniel Siegel

  Neuropsychiatrist and author

  “When we name our emotions, we can tame them; the same applies to children's actions.”

• Diana Baumrind

  Developmental psychologist

  “Authoritative parents set clear limits, but are warm, responsive, and provide reasons for their demands.”

• American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)

  Pediatricians' organization

  “Physical punishment, including spanking, is ineffective and potentially harmful, and should not be used.”

Devil's advocate

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