Your 22-month-old has discovered that throwing her spoon from her high chair is the funniest thing ever. She's thrown 7 spoons. You...

Why this situation matters

The possible answers

Tap the option you would choose

• A

  Take the spoon away and feed her yourself.

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Taking the spoon away and feeding her yourself, while it stops the interaction, does not foster her autonomy or self-management skills. She might perceive it as a punishment without understanding the connection to the act of throwing the spoon.
• B

  Quietly pick it up, without reinforcing the laughter, and continue.

  Ideal answer. Why this is the ideal answer: Responding calmly and without offering extra attention (negative or positive) to the behavior decreases the likelihood of it being repeated. She is deprived of the 'reward' of both your anger and your laughter. This approach promotes observational learning without drama.
• C

  Laugh with her, she's adorable!

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: By laughing with her, you're reinforcing the spoon-throwing behavior with positive attention, making it more likely she'll repeat it. The child associates throwing the spoon with a gratifying interaction, making it harder to learn boundaries.
• D

  "Stop it!" in an angry tone.

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Shouting or getting angry provides intense attention that, for a young child, can be indistinguishable from positive attention. Furthermore, it can escalate negative emotions, which doesn't help with learning the rule.

What the experts say

• B.F. Skinner

  Behavioral Psychologist

  “Intermittent reinforcement produces behavior that is very persistent and difficult to extinguish.”

• Daniel J. Siegel

  Neuroscientist, author

  “Emotional attunement (tuning into our children's mental state) is key, but without reinforcing undesirable behaviors.”

• Carol S. Dweck

  Psychologist, author

  “Effort and strategy are the best subjects for feedback, not the outcome of a 'bad action'.”

Devil's advocate

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