Your partner is offered a better job in another city, which means you’d have to relocate. You…

Why this situation matters

The possible answers

Tap the option you would choose

• A

  Sit down to evaluate the cost/benefit for both of you, without rushing to a decision.

  Ideal answer. Why this is the ideal answer: This option fosters open communication and collaborative thinking. It allows both of you to evaluate the situation from individual and couple perspectives, seeking a solution that benefits the unit. It's an example of constructive interdependence, key to resilience.
• B

  Tell them there’s no way, without even listening.

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Categorically refusing to listen invalidates your partner's experience and desires, increasing emotional distance and resentment, according to John Gottman. This often leads to conflict escalation and a demand-withdraw pattern.
• C

  Say yes, but inwardly you resign yourself.

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Saying yes begrudgingly generates silent resentment and passive tendencies in the relationship. In the long run, this lack of honesty undermines trust and can lead to an emotional outburst, as Esther Perel warns about avoiding frank conflict.
• D

  Set impossible conditions so they have to decline.

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Setting impossible conditions is a subtle form of sabotage and manipulation. It demonstrates a lack of respect for your partner's autonomy and creates destructive power dynamics, eroding security and the foundation of mutual trust.

What the experts say

• John Gottman

  Relationship Researcher

  “Strong couples talk about their problems and negotiate, rather than avoid or demand.”

• Jennifer Petriglieri

  INSEAD Professor

  “Couples who thrive through career challenges discuss, negotiate, and reinvent their relationship over the years.”

• Sue Johnson

  Creator of EFT

  “The security of the bond lies in the ability to respond and be receptive to each other's needs, even in difficult decisions.”

Devil's advocate

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