Your 15-year-old tells you: "I'm going to Marcos's house to study." You know Marcos isn't home today. You...

Why this situation matters

The possible answers

Tap the option you would choose

• A

  "Okay, have fun" (playing dumb)

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Playing dumb avoids conflict in the short term, but it erodes trust and sends the message that you're not involved. This can lead the teenager to think they can easily get away with things or that you don't care what they do, fostering risky behaviors and a lack of responsibility.
• B

  "But Marcos isn't home today. Where are you really going?"

  Ideal answer. Why this is the ideal answer: Responsible parental monitoring involves knowing your teenager's location and activities, but it should be done transparently and by supporting their autonomy. Directly addressing the inconsistency in their explanation encourages honesty and allows for an open conversation.
• C

  You track them with "Find My" without saying anything

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Covert tracking is a violation of privacy and fundamentally undermines trust. While you might discover the truth, the negative impact on the relationship and the teenager's autonomy will be far greater than any short-term benefit, encouraging deception and resentment.
• D

  You forbid them from going out until they tell the truth

  Not the ideal one. Why this falls short: Forbidding them without explanation reinforces an authoritarian pattern, where control is unilateral with no room for dialogue. This generates hostility and resistance in the teenager, who will look for ways to circumvent the rules rather than understand their importance.

What the experts say

• M. Kerr & H. Stattin

  Researchers, experts in adolescent development

  “Parental monitoring predictive of positive outcomes is characterized by knowing children's activities through open communication, not through intrusion or espionage.”

• Laurence Steinberg

  Professor of Psychology, adolescence expert

  “An authoritative parenting style, which combines high demands with high warmth and openness, is the most consistent with healthy psychological development in adolescence.”

• Daniel Siegel

  Child neuropsychiatrist, author

  “The key is connection and communication. When adolescents feel their emotional world is understood, they are more likely to share the truth, even when it's difficult.”

Devil's advocate

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